Do you see me or my disAbility?

Embracing one’s disability is very connected to the words used to describe it. As we learn and gain different experiences, we may change how we describe our disability. As language changes, words that are used to describe specific disabilities also change. Do you pay attention to how others describe their disability? You may find terms change across generations. For example, it wasn’t until 2010 the word “mentally retarded” was replaced with “intellectual disability.” Though this was 14 years ago, some people may not be aware of that change.

As language changes, some words used to describe different areas of diversity may change and become derogatory. We need to remember it takes time for these changes and initially some people may be unaware of the changes. Creating safe spaces to openly hold conversations around these changes are essential to growing inclusive environments.

Whether you know the many terms and remember them is not necessarily essential. What is most important is to use people-first language and honor the preferred language a person uses to describe their disability, if they have shared that language. The Arc notes, “People First Language puts the person before the disability, and describes what a person has, not who a person is.” This is the opposite of identity-first language. The following are examples using person first language:

• “I live with a disability,” rather than “I’m a disabled person”

• “The new offices is accessible for a person who uses a wheelchair”, rather than “The new offices is accessible for a wheelchair-bound person.”

• “The app includes features to assist a person with a vision impairment", rather than “The app includes features to assist a visually impaired person.”

Be sensitive to the language you use and be kind to yourself as you are learning the most appropriate ways to hold discussions regarding disabilities. Also, it is truly the place of the person with a disability to surface conversations regarding their disability, not yours. Just as with any other person, talk about things you would regularly discuss whether that be family, friendships, life experiences, personal or professional growth, etc. If the topic arises about the other person’s disability and the related beauty or hardships it brings, it should usually come from them. This is especially the case when you are not close to that person.

When an individual shares with you a disability they have, pay attention to the language they use to describe their disability. Try to mirror the language they are using to respect how they want to describe their disability. For example, if a person tells you they are “partially sighted,” it shows respect for you to use that language if you are in a conversation specifically about disabilities of vision with them. If you are unsure what specific terms mean, ask. For example, another term used to describe an individual who is partially sighted is “legally blind.” Two communities that typically use identity-first language are the Deaf and Autism communities and they might state, “I’m disabled.” or “I’m autistic.” Ultimately, what is most important is being inclusive of others, honoring them as individuals, and using language they feel is empowering.

Alternative terms for describing a disability can both play a role in facilitating inclusion and empowerment, as well as making some people feel stifled or unable to enter a conversation. We need to provide safe spaces for people to discuss inclusion and navigate language as it changes. Remember, even those alternative terms have the potential to take on negative connotations in the future. The most important thing is that we keep having conversations to create the most diverse and inclusive spaces.

Teenage boy with hands covering his face and one eye showing, wearing a black cap backwards

“Mom, give him our water.”

There is a lot to think about and talk through when it comes to biases that have been ingrained across generations. I came across an article recently about social bias transferred from one generation to the next. I was caught in thought about how I am constantly learning from generations both above and below me. 

Several summers ago, I was in the car with my eldest son and we pulled up to a stoplight with a man holding a sign asking for food or money. Sadly, the homelessness in our city has skyrocketed due to deep poverty, fewer mental and physical health care services, and increased access to heroin and methamphetamine. Looking at this man who was homeless and in need, I'm embarrassed to say that my initial reaction was fear. My son told me, "Mom, give him our water." We had a couple of bottles of water we just bought. I told him, "Son, he may not be safe." He looked at me and then rolled down his window and the man walked to the passenger side of the car, as my son handed him the 2 bottles of water. The man was so grateful, smiling at my son in appreciation.

I learned so much from my son that day. His empathy for this man was far beyond mine and for reasons that require a whole other story to be written. His empathy made me realize the risk was worth helping. I also realized my fear was far beyond the man being "dangerous." I realized my fear was that we could be that man. There is not a big safety net completely preventing that, though we all like to think there is.

As I sat in the car that day with my son, years removed from some of the more difficult years we've experienced, I realized how out of touch I was from where I had been before. I realized how sad and scared I felt to think that we could be where this man stood on the corner of that intersection. I was powerfully humbled being reminded by my son to overcome fear through empathy.

The idea of acknowledging our biases and moving toward, not away from, the things that make us uncomfortable is powerfully noted in this TedTalk by Vernā Myer. We must not only model for our children this strength of moving toward discomfort to overcome bias, but we must model for all those around us crossing every generation. We must model advocacy, bringing awareness of diverse needs for those who are open to learning, planting seeds for those who may not be in a place to listen, but most importantly realizing there are many across all generations who are observing and taking in what they see. 

Have there been any biases transferred to you from other generations? 

Has another generation modeled something that has uncovered, challenged, or changed a bias you once held?

Man sitting with his head hanging down, with a bag of his belongings to his right, a dog on his lap, and another dog huddled to his left.